[x]

AwayI want to fly away,
up, in the sky.
down, back to earth.
I want
I want to go.
Away, anywhere, nowhere, somewhere.
Just go,
Leave, let go, live.
I want to fly away,
somewhere I can stay.

Why Do You Act Like You Care?Why do you act like you care?
You don't even know me.
You always claim to be there,
But you never try to show me.

Why do you act like you try,
When you don't move at all?
And then you ask yourself why,
I never want to call.

Why do you put up a front,
And act like we're your life?
You want to look good, but please,
At least remove the knife.

Why do you act so calm,
When I know you're in a panic?
To see your little girl like this---
Well, it surely must make you frantic.

Why do you even bother?
You know it's always the same...
You make plans for amends, but in the end,
You end up forgetting your turn in the game.

Why do you

Reality Has Taken Over:Love is a drug,
Combining the heart and mind,
Helping us find,
An illusion to get by.
But when it gets too strong and grows inside,
Of us we slowly die.
We've set ourselves up to fail.
There's no way to bail,
Out of this hell,
Our hearts are locked away in a cell.
This is cycle grows old,
As so do we.
Our souls grow cold,
We eventually throw out the key,
Our hearts are now in stray jackets.
We slowly loose our spirit,
The spirit that once lived for life,
But now it fights,
For the answer.
Old hope and understandings become a blur,
Reality has taken over.

Not perfect enoughI had a break-down this week.
I succumbed to the stress,
and it completely consumed me -
slowly tore me to pieces .

Why did you have to force me?
I never wanted to do it and
the emotions, the sadness -
it ravaged through my being
and you were so, so oblivious;
No idea of the pain you caused me.

I'm tired of trying.
This week was tortuous,
and there were so many times
where I could feel the
crystallised tears sliding,
for no reason but the
depression coursing through me.

I give up.
I'm sorry, mum -
I'm not perfect enough.

Valentine's Day? UGHA blood-colored box in the shape of a heart
What an ironic way to express a poisonous dart
Well perhaps that might be the best way
To also show how love doth decay
So here I stand with my little red box
Crimped firmly shut with bleeding locks
Digging a grave with a blackened spoon
I bury this trinket under the glow of the moon
No love for me, not for even one day
So to all I whisper: screw Valentine's Day.

Don't CryHold the tears in
Don’t let them fall
Hide the pain
Stay calm

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry

What will it solve?
Will it change the hurt?
Will it make a difference?
Will it erase the reasons?

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry

Tears show the pain
Crying is messy, like your feelings
Just hide the tears
Don’t show the hurt

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry

Beautiful Insecurities! (I dare you!)So recently as most of you watchers of mine know, I took a picture and uploaded it. It was a picture of my cleft lip and palate. More importantly it was a picture of a part of me that I have tried to cover up and hide my entire life. Hard to do when it's dead center in my face but believe me, that didn't stop me from trying. Make-up, lighting, scarves, pictures of only certain angles. I was bullied in school. I had those that would call me "Crooked nose", "Third nostril", "Ugly", among other things... Then there were those that would just be curious and ask, "Oh my God, what happened to your face?!". Then there were those that treated me like a charity case. Like "Aw you poor thing, people are so mean to you." I didn't like any of those of coarse.
I spent years with insecurities and hiding. I thought they were all right and I was ugly. I tried not to be vain but then I was about myself.
One day I just had enough. I wanted to just put it out there. I wanted to take a picture of my most

Tell meMy heart was feeling like a feather
floating out of my chest and into my mouth

So I told you how I felt

And you said nothing

nothing

for what seemed like days;

you said nothing

But I think I saw a glint of a smile on your lips
so my hope is not lost

I'll wait patiently
until you tell me how you feel
about me, the future

our future?

And even if it's not what I want to hear
I will still listen
I'll take any words I can get from you

Please say something...

The Silent GameHate me?
I don't care.
Not anymore.
We're not what we used to be.

Don't want to talk?
Fine.
Let's play the silent game.
I'll cut you off.

Don't care what happens to me?
Good.
I don't either.
Neither of us can see.

Having fun yet?
I'm not.
I'll prented I miss you
What is it that you don't get?

Happy now?
I sure hope not.
I'll deny the past.
To fix this, I don't know how.

I'm dead to you?
Ha!
Good one.
Then you don't care what I'm going to do.

I'm unheard?
No surprise,
no shocker there, not
That's absurd!

Just don't care anymore?
Want me gone.
That's nice,
There's the door.

You can drift farther away,
So far,
I can't see you,
Can't he

Reaching OutOverwhelming,
Deep and overwhelming,

It's true terror to the last jot

And drowning,

Simply drowning

And I don't kick, I don't
Scream or swim,
Which is scary.

What happened to me?

When did I become so numb with pain?
When did I slip so far from the handles

That I drift

Or more, much more than drifting.
Sinking.
Lead,
Sinking to the bottom of wherever the hell I am
(I've lost track)

I want to come back.

I want to be back in the simplicity of Your arms,
Of where You are,
Of where I was,
Trying to understand how I even managed
to wander this far.

You're holding out a hand.
I want to reach for it.

I Didn't KnowI don't know what my life will be like
Without having you,
You learned how easily you could leave
No-strings attached.
I learned that I trust too much
Too quick did my heart latch.

I really did assume
You were better than they said
I think all the compliments
I made up inside my head

I remember you looked down on me
Vocalized negative thoughts
It wasn't just your words that struck
To rip my world apart.

If this is how you treat yourself
I guess we both learned something new
There is no deeper meaning
To the shallow “I love you.”

EmptyEverything is so wrong
I just wish I could fix it
Been broken for so long
I'm in little pieces
It hurts to wake up
It hurts to want to die
Going to bed thinking of
How you're going to survive
Another day, another year
Another cut, another tear
More heartache, more pain
A black cloud pouring acid rain
Filling my thoughts, my head
Melting what's inside
Until there's nothing left

I love you.You, who smiles.
I found you lost.
You're tears fall,
yet I stand there doing nothing.
This anger.
This pain.
This sorrow.
Let me absorb it.
I want to take it all away.
Why do you cry?
You, who smiles.
You, who cries.
Since when?
Those tears fall to the cold concrete.
The smile fades into a frown.
Your eyes filled with despair.
I want to steal it away.
To see you like this.
I don't like this.
I hate myself.
To let you feel the you do.
I can't stand it.
Your tears.
Your frown.
Your pain.
Your despair.
You sorrow.
Your memories.
Your regrets.
Your sins.
Your screams.
I want to steal it all away from you.
I want you to be happy again.
I love you.

Of boats and boutsWinter leaking into our phosphate spines
Fingers curled and clawing at sun baked whispers behind our lips
Trying to convey what silence tastes like on parched lungs
Misfortune snapping at our humming bird fingertips
The lost do not wish to be found.

LaughingI know when I leave you're all laughing

Laughing at
The Freak
The Weirdo
The Loner

Laughing at
How I have no friends
How I don't fit in
How you all hate me
How I think you're my friends

I know you're all laughing at me

You'll never accept me
You'll never like me

You'll always hate me
You'll always be laughing at me

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nonexistent warmthby ~suki42deathlake

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

©2013 ~suki42deathlake

for pain is still an emotion , a reminder that were still alive .

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Mood: Relief

*UmericanPiece Mar 17, 2013 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

feel better now, you've acquired the truth

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~UkeBug Jan 11, 2013 Student Writer

There is no such thing as "cold" in scientific terms. "Cold" is just absence of warmth. In reality, warmth can ALWAYS be achieved. It is NEVER an impossibility. Never forget that, my Lovely.

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